Happy Birthday

Dearie,

this is the first time we are clebrating your birthday together :) Hope it will be a memorable one.. And all the best for your CISSP exam :) I love you and Happy Birthday...

Romance gone wrong

I was just trying to be sweet and romantic but he miunderstood my gd intention. That's very painful...

He used words like :You want to break up with me? I'm totally fine with it." He said I'm immature and I need lots of attention, wants to contact him every hour because I'm spoilt by my ex. I told him and he usedf it against me again... I've not used harsh words on him hence I'm not sure if he feels tha pain but I do. Words are like swords and it hurts like hell.

I really dunno y I love him but I just do. He comes in a package too. This is just one of the days I hope. I hope 70% of the time he will be sweet and loving. Most of the time I'm hanging out with Sha and not him, I dunno y he said that I need his attention. I asked him to tell me wat I have done but he din want to. If he doesn't say, how would I know? How would I learn? Sometimes I hope he can be a little fairer to me. I know he is frustrated and hard pressed for time and he may be righ that I'm not helping at all...

I'm not leading a single life. I have a bf. I do care about him, I do ask him to study. I ask him what he wants and I try to compromise. In the end it's still my fault. How can I help? How can I let him keep his cool? Disappear from his life or what? I'm like walking on a minefield, not knowing when I'll step on a mine. Or is it that I'm submissive and wanted to be with him that he thinks he can bully me? If he thinks so little of our rel, y am I with him? Doesn't that make me a fool?

I have my dreams, my wishes... I wish he can do well in his exam, stop using harsh words on me, dun be too stressed up and dun flare up too often... I wish I'll do well in my studies, have someone who accepts me for who I am, won't be too clingy to my bf, be firm but not harsh, give in when appropriate and dun let my bf bully me...

Dearie...

Dearie..

I know I've said this many times but it's the first time I'm writing abt it. Dearie, after we broke up, I tried to convince myself that there isn't a feeling of 'the one' coz I had that feeling but in the end we still broke up.

I thought by going overseas might do me gd but everything juz reminded me of u. It made me so sad.. I told myself that u din want to be in touch with me anymore or u have moved on. I comforted myself that everything would be fine as time passes by. I din know how much effect u have on my life till we broke up. I even thought that only miracle will bring us back tog again.

That night, I dreamt of u. I hesitated as I did not know if I should contact u.. In the end I still took the first step to email u.. Never did I expect u to reply :) well, the rest of the story u know already :)

It is indeed a miracle that we r tog again.. I think the break up did us gd.. It teaches me how to appreciate u even more, allows me to know how much I love u.. I hope we will both keep our temper in check n dun ever say break up again, coz it hurts :)

I love u dearie.. Truly do n u know ;)

Goodbye

This blog was set up for my bf but we broke up yesterday. I don't know how to face this blog anymore. Although I love him, I have to let go because it's his request that I leave him. He said that he used to have 7 days a week for himself and I don't appreciate him. I have no comments because only he knows if I appreciate him.

Now that I am all alone, I have to learn how to walk again. I remembered before we got together, he once told me that the guys didn't know how to treat me well. I guess, it's my fault, not his, not theirs :) it's just me. It's easier to blame oneself than others.

No matter how important he is to me, how much I love him, I don't think I want to let him know because it will only add on to his burden. His wish is for me to leave, so I will. I listen to him because I love him, will do all that makes him happy, not because I don't have a stand of my own.

Signing off,
Princess Kristine

I'm sorry... again

I'm sorry again for making you angry. I have offended you countless times and I have to apologise to you, it becomes my second nature to apologise to you, fear you and avoid you. I can't seem to get to know you, get close to you no matter how I try. I told you I'm tired and you said you will handle the relationship. But I still feel myself trying to please you and avoid any possibility of offending you.
You are so cold to me and I still have to put up a strong front. I'm really tired, I do have my down moments too. I'm sick and I wish that someone will really care for me you know

Tired

I'm really tired, tired of doing the admin work for others. Please... I have a life to lead too, I have my own share of work, my own admin. When I volunteer, please appreciate and don't take advantage of me. I'm just trying to be nice and lighten everyone's load by taking on more work.

I have to put on a smile in front of everyone. In front of you, colleagues etc... But who knows I'm crying deep inside? I know it's something I need to learn, learn to delegate work but I'm the person in charge, if I don't get the job done, I'm still responsible. I don't want to be sad in front of you because you will be sad if I do...

Dad and Mum

Daddy and mummy quarrelled at the coffee shop today. Sis called to inform me and asked me to be back home early. I don't dare to and asked brother to be home early instead. I don't wish to be caught in quarrels anymore. Sis says this time is quite bad and they are thinking of a divorce. This is something they have been talking about since I was young. I hope this is just another time and not take for serious. I just feel like crying. I want to be happy, can I? I don't have much faith in a relationship, I'm trying to work things out and my parents are showing me otherwise. Should I just give up like them?