The One (II)

The closest and complete feeling of the one came into my life when I'm with my dearie. She gave me this sheer sense of bone-chilling tingling feeling that strives through all my veins; as many would say "chemistry" and I would call it "electricity". It is the emotional connection that brought us together, it was my misunderstanding of her emotions which is perfectly clearly "why" I couldn't comprehend back then, my perspective wasn't completely aligned with hers.

However, as a person, I've only always seen "her", one and only. She drawn me out of the crowd and clearly stands out -- I'm so into her. When I think of the one, I do share the same values as my dearie what she looks for in her partner. She always wanted and wished a "homely" place where she can work, study and play. I always thought that I have a "home" until one day realized that it is incomplete and merely a "house". To be honest, when she's around, I've only wanted to be with her and I refused to do anything which worries her. She would say, "Dearie, go do your things." and I would reply, "No, I just want to be here with you." The togetherness made us enjoy our quality time together at my "house" -- which unknowingly transformed into a "home".

I've received a reply letter from ICA this afternoon, "Your application for Singapore Permenant Residency is unsuccessful." I'll call this a blessing in disguise. When I received this letter a few months back, I was really disappointed and my mind went havoc. Now I smiled, put it back in the enevelop and cheered "Hallelujah!" Even if this letter is the approval letter, I wouldn't care much and toss it in a bin. I asked myself, what do I want? It is clear it's not a bunch of scrolls stating our achievements, promotion and money. Like what dearie said, happiness is perceived by many people in different forms, shapes and sizes. I'm glad that "our happiness" is the same definition -- to seek the peaceful, happy and joyful "home".

As the leader of my family, I will need to set the pace in all our relationships which serves the best interest of my team members. We were having different paces in the past but I'm catching up and dearie knows. I'll be a guiding father, supporitve husband and happy family man. Fortunately, I also had a little time together with Mark today before he ran off for his evening class and he offered he would give some valuable advice to "us" and share his experiences. Today I've talked to my dearie and Mark, two of my best friends and I'm truly inspired and glad that I've decided to change for better. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

As the closing, like I always do, I would like to dedicate this song to my dearie.

Westlife's Flying without Wings

Love you always,
Mike Dearie

Lyrics:
[Shane:]
Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

[Mark:]
Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So, impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
Cos who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete

[Shane:]
Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place

[Mark:]
It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it's like flying without wings
Cos you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings

[Shane:]
And you're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends

[Mark:]
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings

The One

I have been pondering the issue of "The One". Although I do agree with my pastor that there isn't The One, but sometimes, you will have the feeling that that person is the one you want to settle down with.

No doubt, you were the first person who gave me that feeling. After last week, I was thinking about it again. When I think about The One, I'm actually thinking of settling down with a person who can give me the sense of security, the love, the stability, a person whom I can paint a picture in my mind with my children or in a house of our own... Not just a person who can sweep me off my feet...

I was head over heels in love with you but that did not allow me to see us having time together at home as a couple... I simply dunno why...

Giving up

This blog was set up by my gf and she said she is stressed by my thoughts of not giving her up. I won't turn my back and not face this blog; I will continue to write even if she doesn't. It's like a mirror reflected upon oneself, since that day I took over the blog, I have written entries like never before, pouring out my thoughts as she wished me earlier in our relationship. Although I love her, I have to let go because it's her request that I leave her. She said that only treat her like a friend or sister, otherwise, she will avoid me. She also said I didn't appreciate her in the past and it's too late now. I have faith in us that she knows that I do appreciate her from the bottom of my heart.

I'm not all alone, I still have her and Godly counsels and angels around me. I've been in the wrong path but now learning to walk the right path, it took a detour of routes and events but getting back onto the right track is something rewarding. I remembered we back got together again after her Australia trip, she told me never ever said breakup again because it hurts. I can't agree more. During that time I was also sleepless and didn't had proper meals (thus lost weight as she noticed when she saw me again). I didn't let her know all this because I wanted to be appeared as a strong person which is very wrong. It's painful as I've experienced it but she said it'll be healed. I want to be ready for my future wife; a mature and responsible man. I will gain her trust and cherish her like never before. I do not want to blame anyone for this, I'm a responsible guy who will take the consequences of my actions willfully. Only promise when you mean it, as she taught me.

No matter how important she is to me, how much I love her, I don't think I want to let her know because it will only add on to her stress. Her wish is for me to give up on her, so I will. I will listen to her because I love her, will do all that makes her happy and peaceful, and that's how I will pray every time I miss her.

Love you always,
Mike Dearie

Time and Reflection

Time moves very slowly contrary to what others would say. Every second is tiring to look at, from corner to corner walking, nights without my life, days without a soul. All my might has came out to do one thing for sure, it's to be with her. At least for me, it's a long wait, it's a journey I must go through. I take this opportunity to reflect upon myself, deeper than I would ever have imagined.

I have been a changed man since I knew my dearie. She's been also positive and energetic. I remember she said once during our times apart, she didn't see anything but good things. I know what she meant now in a truly inspirational way. I've been expressive, more communicable and extremely sensitive since it was what I was lacking. Hurdles of emotions that I can't describe how it came about -- one thing was very clear; I'm totally in her shoes. We went to Singapore Art Museum and there we saw an exhibit which displayed shoes at the bottom. "To wear this shoes, please take off yours". It was this line that struck me, too. A wise man once said "To see this cup, either half empty or half filled, it is a choice that you make." If we put our needs first, without realizing our loved ones feelings, it would be a half empty cup. I see it differently now; it's a half filled cup. I have absolutely no negative feelings towards my dearie; she's my divine angel, she's my wisdom and she's my idol. I could cherish her all the eternity because her smile and happiness and peacefulness are first priority for me to fullfill until the end of the days. I've made a secret list of things for me to do and will show her one day. I would carry her through the deserts, mountains, protect her and save her from harm. I'll be her hero and companion -- someone who will always treasure her. I wish I could hold her in my arms and whisper these things.

Indeed, I see nobody but she (as I mentioned to her several times before). It reminds me of Ronan Keatings' song "When you say nothing at all" because "But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd".

I pray for her health, happiness and peace every minute that I missed her. There wasn't a single moment that I wasn't thinking about her, only if she knew. I truly love and miss you, "Dearie".

I've missed the times when we watched "Notting Hill" together. Two songs came into my mind...

Elvis Costello - She (a memorable scene)
Ronan Keating - When you say nothing at all

Have a good night, my Guardian Angel. You're the best thing happened in my life.

Love you always,
Mike Dearie

Merly and Lyo

Facts about Merly and Lyo:

Name	Lyo	Merly
Colour	Red	Blue
Gender	Male	Female
Creature	Lion	Merlion
Astrological Sign	Leo	Aquarius
Personal motto	"Never say never"	"You can achieve anything if you pour your heart into it!"
Olympic values	Excellence, Respect	Excellence, Friendship
Symbolism	Lion City; fire; "Blazing the Trail"	Merlion; water

So Merly, please go ahead and bully Lyo. He's very excited to get bullied by you but let me remind you to carry the sportsmanship like all other Olympians; just ask, "Ready?" before you begin. :) Have fun!

Thank you

Gratitude is a sentiment we'd all do well to cultivate, according to positive psychologists, mental health clinicians and researchers who seek to help everyone create more joy in life. Feeling thankful and expressing that thanks makes you happier and heartier. In many occasions, I would simply say, "Thanks dearie..." or "Thank you dearie". I really meant those thank yous from the bottom of my heart but the question remains whether it is enough for the person you treasure and appreciate the most in your life. That's when expressive gestures comes in. I thank my dearie for many things, amongst others:

• Giving me emotional support when I'm down, to discuss our views and share our knowledge, mostly regarding our job (and thankfully, we do share a lot of similar values and sentiments)
• Strengthen our bond by writing me notes, and adorable cards for assurance
• Giving me hugs and kisses, whether delivery or non-delivery ways
• Helping me with laundry even though I feel bad for letting her help me because I just want her to rest (but doing things together is more fun!)
• Letting me take her various photos, either glam or un-glam
• Giving me cookies and chocolates
• Help me to buy groceries together
• Enjoying my terrible cookings with a smile
• Having dinners together and buying food over
  
• Drinking wine together while watching movies
• Giving me massages when I'm extremely under pressure and needed some relief
• Giving me dinner treats on special occasions, lunches, presents and gifts
• Giving me a family feel when I'm all alone
• Making me coffee and breakfast (very cute when she over-poured the oil for prata)
• Watching events together, like world cup, SYOG and National Day
• Watching movies together even though some movies are not her type
• Holding my hands while we walk and teaching me how to hold hands properly
• Attending my lectures and taking notes like a diligent student
• Going to holidays together with me
• Letting me pursue my dreams and my certifications
  
• Giving me warmth in my heart with that smile of hers .. and many more

As we're humans, we have no telepathy or mind-reading capabilities. The thoughts must be explicitly communicated effectively or otherwise, the other party might misunderstand. So keeping emotionally connected means we both are on the same page and would be happy to resolve things together without any misunderstandings.

And finally of cos, I can't thank you enough Dearie. And I love you truly do and you know (yes I copied yours because it is so sweet).

Mike Dearie

Dido - Thank you

The Road ahead

Kris Dearie

Missed you so much today but again don't want to bother your peaceful teachers' day break which you truly deserve. Hope you had a good relaxing day.

I had a chance to share with Cherry which I find my other friends would not be able to understand. The reason why I did not share with Nat or Jean is because they may not fully understand what we're going through. Cherry on the other hand had a similar situation which she seeked for mentorship from her church friend couple and she also shared a very good document which I will later forward to your email. She texted me this afterward which says,

"Father, I want to commit Mike and Kristine onto your loving hands, guide them to seek you and your kingdom, bring your Godly counsel to advise them, give them wisdom to discern, pray for your loving hands to boothe and pain and heal the hurt. May they reign and soar like an eagle victoriously for you because they are all rightful son and daughter. In Jesus name, Amen."

She also mentioned that I am surrounded by people whom take care of me as little brother, which I never realized until she mentioned about it. For example, Mark and his wife, loves me like a brother. Chong Poh, Tien Yau and I had lots of discussions and talks and they've been guiding me through. Joseph, whom always invited me to his church activities and treated me like his brother. I have asked Mark to become my mentor in my relationships because he truly cares about me; he is a friend, and someone I can look up to as a model. He prayed for the road ahead of us, wished that we could sort out our differences and lead the life we both will cherish each other.

I have learned many things in the past few days which made me realized there are many things beyond my knowledge and it is important whom I confide in or share with because the impact can make significant differences. I'm thankful that I'm surrounded with the people who are knowledgeable, kind and loving, concerned with the road that lies ahead.

Please let me know after you read the document I sent to your email, dearie. Love you so much.

Mike Dearie