Peace

Dearie,

I must admit to you that I've foolishly been selfish, giving you no space and peace, that you deserve. We will try to listen to God's plan and wait for a week. If there is no sign from your part yet, we will keep in touch again and wait for the next sign. I have learned to look beyond needs, satisfaction and selfishness. For all the things that I've done, I'm truly and genuinely sorry, and I'll take full responsibility for my past actions, but my sincere apologies to you, the one and only I love, my dearie. I've decided to give you time to reflect, and not to tamper with your thoughts by calling you, smsing you, and disturbing you while you're at peace.

Looking forward, I've made up my mind to change for better, the will that is never been so great and strong. I've plans with my dearie, short and long term, if she decided to change her mind, the door is always opened -- knowing that she once did it for me too. She asked "if you wanted me to wait, I'll wait for you forever." And that time I told her "Dearie, it's unfair." Now it's my turn to say, "I'll be here forever for you."

My plans that are simple yet meaningful include:
1) Love her and cherish her everyday like never before
2) Not to bully her ever again, verbally or otherwise, I'll give in to her because I love her so much
3) Say "Good morning, dearie" whenever I wake up to my dearie with a kiss, followed by "I Love You" while holding her
4) Go to church together on Sundays with her, be her companion and life partner, raising our kids and be a good father
5) Decorate our house, hang the words of Lord Jesus, pack our beds with soft toys for her (bumbum and kelly get exclusive space)
6) Bring "girl" to our place and let her stay with us because she means a lot to me as well as to dearie
7) Go holidays with her without fail every time we have a break
8) Have mutual friends, who are stable and can give us good guidance and godly counsels
9) Go blading and jogging together and join her for the runs
10) Accompany her to buy shoes and be her fashion stylist
11) Join her for family dinners with her parents, and her sister's family, treat her family like my own
12) Sponsor my parents to come to Singapore again and let them see my gf and wife-to-be in person whom they will love to the bits
13) Make breakfasts for her, and wake up early to pray together with her
14) Be tolerant towards my dearie, and brighten her mood by giving her flowers, cards, little notes and be a good pair of ears for her to listen to her daily problems
15) Accompany her while she's studying and marking either at home or outside
16) Take pictures for her and the photos of "us" and decorate our house with photos
17) Will do things that will only bring joy and happiness into our lives and never do things that will make us apart ever again, because I know our love is strong
18) Give her emotional support and be her consultant in life situations
19) Praise her because she is truly unbelievable, and thank her for everything she has done for me, and remind each other why we are so lovable couple and everyone is jealous to know our "secret ingredient" for happy and successful marriage.
20) Be a good husband that will raise up and kids, since both of us are teachers, we will infuse good family values and life practices into our children and generations

I will miss you dearie, but I hope during this time, you will be able to reflect in peace, I will be able to improve myself even further through the knowledge and wisdom. I know that trust has to be earned so here I am, your other half waiting for you to discover the world ahead of us. Do let me know when you are ready to talk. Whatever it may be, I have faith in us and can feel that we will go very very far as a loving and perfect couple.

Truly yours
Love you always
Mike Dearie

Guilt

I know you have been trying very hard to gain my trust again, trying to change over a new leaf. The more I see you do all these, the more guilty I am. I am not trying to change you, I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I do not want to see you so unhappy... I'm sorry to bring you so much pain and hurt... I'm really sorry

Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength - St Francis de Sales

The One (II)

The closest and complete feeling of the one came into my life when I'm with my dearie. She gave me this sheer sense of bone-chilling tingling feeling that strives through all my veins; as many would say "chemistry" and I would call it "electricity". It is the emotional connection that brought us together, it was my misunderstanding of her emotions which is perfectly clearly "why" I couldn't comprehend back then, my perspective wasn't completely aligned with hers.

However, as a person, I've only always seen "her", one and only. She drawn me out of the crowd and clearly stands out -- I'm so into her. When I think of the one, I do share the same values as my dearie what she looks for in her partner. She always wanted and wished a "homely" place where she can work, study and play. I always thought that I have a "home" until one day realized that it is incomplete and merely a "house". To be honest, when she's around, I've only wanted to be with her and I refused to do anything which worries her. She would say, "Dearie, go do your things." and I would reply, "No, I just want to be here with you." The togetherness made us enjoy our quality time together at my "house" -- which unknowingly transformed into a "home".

I've received a reply letter from ICA this afternoon, "Your application for Singapore Permenant Residency is unsuccessful." I'll call this a blessing in disguise. When I received this letter a few months back, I was really disappointed and my mind went havoc. Now I smiled, put it back in the enevelop and cheered "Hallelujah!" Even if this letter is the approval letter, I wouldn't care much and toss it in a bin. I asked myself, what do I want? It is clear it's not a bunch of scrolls stating our achievements, promotion and money. Like what dearie said, happiness is perceived by many people in different forms, shapes and sizes. I'm glad that "our happiness" is the same definition -- to seek the peaceful, happy and joyful "home".

As the leader of my family, I will need to set the pace in all our relationships which serves the best interest of my team members. We were having different paces in the past but I'm catching up and dearie knows. I'll be a guiding father, supporitve husband and happy family man. Fortunately, I also had a little time together with Mark today before he ran off for his evening class and he offered he would give some valuable advice to "us" and share his experiences. Today I've talked to my dearie and Mark, two of my best friends and I'm truly inspired and glad that I've decided to change for better. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

As the closing, like I always do, I would like to dedicate this song to my dearie.

Westlife's Flying without Wings

Love you always,
Mike Dearie

Lyrics:
[Shane:]
Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

[Mark:]
Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So, impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
Cos who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete

[Shane:]
Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place

[Mark:]
It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it's like flying without wings
Cos you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings

[Shane:]
And you're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends

[Mark:]
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings

The One

I have been pondering the issue of "The One". Although I do agree with my pastor that there isn't The One, but sometimes, you will have the feeling that that person is the one you want to settle down with.

No doubt, you were the first person who gave me that feeling. After last week, I was thinking about it again. When I think about The One, I'm actually thinking of settling down with a person who can give me the sense of security, the love, the stability, a person whom I can paint a picture in my mind with my children or in a house of our own... Not just a person who can sweep me off my feet...

I was head over heels in love with you but that did not allow me to see us having time together at home as a couple... I simply dunno why...

Giving up

This blog was set up by my gf and she said she is stressed by my thoughts of not giving her up. I won't turn my back and not face this blog; I will continue to write even if she doesn't. It's like a mirror reflected upon oneself, since that day I took over the blog, I have written entries like never before, pouring out my thoughts as she wished me earlier in our relationship. Although I love her, I have to let go because it's her request that I leave her. She said that only treat her like a friend or sister, otherwise, she will avoid me. She also said I didn't appreciate her in the past and it's too late now. I have faith in us that she knows that I do appreciate her from the bottom of my heart.

I'm not all alone, I still have her and Godly counsels and angels around me. I've been in the wrong path but now learning to walk the right path, it took a detour of routes and events but getting back onto the right track is something rewarding. I remembered we back got together again after her Australia trip, she told me never ever said breakup again because it hurts. I can't agree more. During that time I was also sleepless and didn't had proper meals (thus lost weight as she noticed when she saw me again). I didn't let her know all this because I wanted to be appeared as a strong person which is very wrong. It's painful as I've experienced it but she said it'll be healed. I want to be ready for my future wife; a mature and responsible man. I will gain her trust and cherish her like never before. I do not want to blame anyone for this, I'm a responsible guy who will take the consequences of my actions willfully. Only promise when you mean it, as she taught me.

No matter how important she is to me, how much I love her, I don't think I want to let her know because it will only add on to her stress. Her wish is for me to give up on her, so I will. I will listen to her because I love her, will do all that makes her happy and peaceful, and that's how I will pray every time I miss her.

Love you always,
Mike Dearie

Time and Reflection

Time moves very slowly contrary to what others would say. Every second is tiring to look at, from corner to corner walking, nights without my life, days without a soul. All my might has came out to do one thing for sure, it's to be with her. At least for me, it's a long wait, it's a journey I must go through. I take this opportunity to reflect upon myself, deeper than I would ever have imagined.

I have been a changed man since I knew my dearie. She's been also positive and energetic. I remember she said once during our times apart, she didn't see anything but good things. I know what she meant now in a truly inspirational way. I've been expressive, more communicable and extremely sensitive since it was what I was lacking. Hurdles of emotions that I can't describe how it came about -- one thing was very clear; I'm totally in her shoes. We went to Singapore Art Museum and there we saw an exhibit which displayed shoes at the bottom. "To wear this shoes, please take off yours". It was this line that struck me, too. A wise man once said "To see this cup, either half empty or half filled, it is a choice that you make." If we put our needs first, without realizing our loved ones feelings, it would be a half empty cup. I see it differently now; it's a half filled cup. I have absolutely no negative feelings towards my dearie; she's my divine angel, she's my wisdom and she's my idol. I could cherish her all the eternity because her smile and happiness and peacefulness are first priority for me to fullfill until the end of the days. I've made a secret list of things for me to do and will show her one day. I would carry her through the deserts, mountains, protect her and save her from harm. I'll be her hero and companion -- someone who will always treasure her. I wish I could hold her in my arms and whisper these things.

Indeed, I see nobody but she (as I mentioned to her several times before). It reminds me of Ronan Keatings' song "When you say nothing at all" because "But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd".

I pray for her health, happiness and peace every minute that I missed her. There wasn't a single moment that I wasn't thinking about her, only if she knew. I truly love and miss you, "Dearie".

I've missed the times when we watched "Notting Hill" together. Two songs came into my mind...

Elvis Costello - She (a memorable scene)
Ronan Keating - When you say nothing at all

Have a good night, my Guardian Angel. You're the best thing happened in my life.

Love you always,
Mike Dearie

Merly and Lyo

Facts about Merly and Lyo:

Name	Lyo	Merly
Colour	Red	Blue
Gender	Male	Female
Creature	Lion	Merlion
Astrological Sign	Leo	Aquarius
Personal motto	"Never say never"	"You can achieve anything if you pour your heart into it!"
Olympic values	Excellence, Respect	Excellence, Friendship
Symbolism	Lion City; fire; "Blazing the Trail"	Merlion; water

So Merly, please go ahead and bully Lyo. He's very excited to get bullied by you but let me remind you to carry the sportsmanship like all other Olympians; just ask, "Ready?" before you begin. :) Have fun!