Thoughts behind the tears...

I'm a crying baby in your eyes... because you don't know the thoughts behind my tears... Before I cry, there are lots of thinking going though my mind. Solutions are what I'm looking for, but there are times I can't find a solution so I cry. I can't bring myself to tell you what I'm thinking or I can't express my thought to you well. At times I wish I can be so carefree with you.. But it's not so simple. I need to be understanding. As a friend, I'm not understanding, I just write people off, I can't be bothered... If I were to do that to you, I'll never be with you. If I ever let my feelings for you come to a standstill, I'll move on and give up on you. I'm trying to hold on to the memories we had, probably that explains why my memory with you stops on 31 Dec 2009... Just like the way I want to remember Guinness.. I want the pain to remind me of him.

Whatever is written here makes no sense and is not coherent coz this is how my mind works... It's just a glimpse of it. Sometimes I wish I can snap and snap out of everything, living a zombie life, in my own world...

I used to hide in a shell and not give my heart away after the 3 yr relationship till I met my ex. I was hurt again.. Next, I met you, thinking I could be safe with you and out of my shell again.. But I was wrong. I'm hurt and I want to hide in my shell again. I think I'm in my shell once again. I'm not thinking about going into a relationship at the moment coz you said I'm not suitable and I'm pretty convinced that I'm not good enough. Unless someone comes along and manages to get me out of my shell, I'll stay where I am, in my shell... It's not your fault coz it's me who doesn't know how to handle a relationship. I'm learning to be a better person. Thanks for being so truthful to me.