Another day

Yesterday, I had my lesson observation by VP. I did not do anything fanciful or intereesting. I do everything as what I normally do in class. She was quite happy with my teaching. Praise Lord.

We talked about the changes I would like the department to make, my aim for the language in students. She kinda likes my idea and we think alike. Phew.. She asked if I would like to try out my idea for next year and of coz I'll be glad to. I'm not sure if I'm on the right track, but I believe Lord will show me the light. Sha asks me to go into management again yesterday. Am I really suitable? Would I want to work with people who dun work?

Let me focus on the kids now... Next Wed onwards will be their PSLE. I pray that Lord will bless the kids with excellent results, give them faith in their future, let them see Jesus through us (Samuel, Pearl and me). Keep them safe, guard them from Saturn, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Hi...

Dearie

Just want to drop by and say hi.. without bothering while you're doing your work ...

I'll keep my temper, tone and attitude in check

I'll seek my father before I say or act for guidance

I also wish to give my all to you, even if you want nothing because you're tired... good thing that y0u're not stressed anymore...

I wish to jog in the morning to school with you...

I wish to accompany you to marking...

I wish to buy you coffee and dinner while you're busy working and sit next to you and snuggle when you're cold...

I wish to take photos for you... because you said you want to save your youth in memories...

I wish to be with you :)

Love you always

Why?

Why are we apart when we love each other?

Why am I always running into troubles when things are getting better?

Why did I mess things up so badly?

I only wanted the best for us. I wanted to spend time together. I wish to be with you. I wanna make you happy and get rid of those begging and pleading to come back. I want to blog about us, and I want to attend church together with you. I wish to build a family with you.

Dearie told me that she had enough. Well enough of the pains and hurts. I don't wish that either. But we had never had enough love, nor cherish each other. I wish to do that when I have given a chance one day.

Love you always

Strength

Father,

Please bless me with the strength to carry on the daily work and routine in my life. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen

Faith to be filled with the Holy Spirit

Dear Father, I need You. I acknowledge that I have been directing my own life and that, as a result, I have sinned against You. I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Christ's death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I now thank you for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. In the Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Past and Future

Dear Lord,

I'm hereby in your arms once again, humbled by your love and power. Past shadows linger around to destroy our future and that really hurts, my Lord. You know too well that in my heart, that I'll never do anything like in the past to your beloved daughter Kristine. You've put her into safety net by making me a man full of wisdom and love, without any doubts, that I'll never be able to harm her again. You've given us unconditional love and taught us how to love one another. If these things are true, dear lord, please convict her and let us unite once and for all.

I'm committed and ready to take on this journey -- and we all know this isn't a game, nor I assumed this is one, and Lord, you know the best. I went through the details with her, even to the steps and thoughts I had. She has lost everything and it had been unpleasant experience, but will that past effect our future which is bright and shiny?

I still check our blog, I still write, I'm still having faith, my lord. You have showed me having faith in you will make us complete and rewarding. Dearie has prayed and she wonders what takes me so long to get wisdom like this? She knows that when her faith was put into your hands again, you have rewarded her, but will she see what rewards had she been given? She told me that our dear father work on his own time but was it too late? I have no doubts, my Lord, and I'm having faith in you that you will work on our plans once we both are ready. We're thankful again for your presence earlier, dear Lord. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Sharing and caring

Dear God,

My dearie accompanied me to get my medical results today; I was really touched and appreciate that I can't describe how much I'm thankful. And because of you my Lord, I've learned to have faith in you and trust that there's no hurdles in our health nor wealth as we are already so blessed.

I've made some sharing with my dearie about a little bit of everything and deeper in some areas. For an enormous feeling that went through my blood, I know and I felt the presence of you dear God. You have blessed me with your love and that love flows through my blood as I'm speaking to my dearie. I'm sorry I've had common understanding with dearie about using this to address each other as we promised we won't use it for any other persons. Right now as she feels that we just want to be friends, she will not use it.

My Lord, she doesn't want to go through what has happened in the past. I'm not going to elaborate more and ask her to believe or trust me, but my commitment is what it will make our marriage strong and enduring. She will never again have to experience it again, even if she wanted to. Trust has to be earned, as we all agreed. Cherishing and loving her doesn't involve making her go through that again, does it my Lord? She told me she would have accepted the Mike in the past -- but my Lord, in your eyes I was a boy, I was not complete, and I was a fool.

Do I care a lot about dearie? Yes I absolutely do. Sharing and caring is a way of life, and loving one other and not letting go whenever times are bad or when there is a storm. Having faith in you my Lord, makes me a complete man. Thank you Lord and amen.

Missing You

M-I-S-S-I-N-G-Y-O-U-2-0-1-1-.-b-l-o-g-s-p-o-t-.-c-o-m

I never bookmarked this page because it is the purpose of typing it makes me realize how much I miss you and love you dearie.

Do you check the blog like I always do? I'm sure you do as well. Why do we deny each other, it's so painful...

Love you always

Undying Faith, Time, Destiny and Future

It is inevitable that we all will meet with our father in heaven, we are destined to be that way. Our destiny led us to be here, right place, right time and right persons -- we were so much in love. Some of us let go of love, because we wanted peace, we were afraid to get hurt again, and many other reasons behind. By being careful, we will not receive a full potential love we deserve, because we aren't opening our hearts to the other party. My dearie avoids me, because she thinks that I will propose her anytime and she closed her heart in a safe place where no man can harm her. Only when one day she trusts she will let it out again...

I will only propose to my dearie when she's ready and when she feels secure and trusted. We are talking about marriage and a lifetime of committment here. She doubted my love for her which I do not blame her because of my past actions. She transformed into me, learning from me. In the mean time, I learned from her, slowly transforming myself into being my dearie. She said she doesn't trust me anymore. Trust has to be earned. I totally agree.

But this entry is not about the past. This entry is about the future. There are two kinds of people in this world; one who do not correct their mistakes and keep following the wrong path, and one recover from the wrong path to the right, making improvements in their lives. My dearie's prayers were answered but she doesn't want to be with the person she prayed for anymore. It takes a lot of courage to fall in love deeply and it takes just a slight actions to get hurt and completely scared from it.

My dearie is a sensitive and nice girl, from the start. She had faith in me, that I will be a guy of her dreams. Things weren't better back then, and we struggled in our journey with lots of ups and downs. Then she gave up, and doesn't wish to try anymore. Disheartened, she had decided to give up on everything. She doesn't want to see the future anymore, she is confused, hated me for taking away her future and her life.

She texted me one day and asked, "I wanted to give you a book and hope you will read it." We didn't get a chance to meet up because of the abovementioned reason and soon I end up buying the book. Tuesdays with Morrie touched my dearie's heart and mine as it touched millions of hearts around the world. One thing I learned from the book out of many is that, never give up. Never give up on the people you love, and you treasure and you value. Having faith in them and hoping that they would change for better because none of us were born perfect in this world. Only through events in life, we change for better or worse. This is about undying faith I have in my dearie and myself that we both can't ignore our true love for one another. She has let go because it deeply hurt her but I am here to mend it all over again. Time will tell how it will heal but for now she is not ready.

Life has taught me many lessons even since I was young. I had to struggle my way through college and Uni, get a job and work part time to even get a place to bunk in. I slowly concealed myself to be unemotional and tough guy. My emotional, warm fuzzy personality was enclosed by edgy and tough outlook. I had no one to call for when I needed help, emotional support. Dearie walked into my life and I cared for her like a little sister which I never had. We bonded and would entrust in each other. Life has turned our love into something magical and we were deeply in love like never loved another soul before. We talked about our future and how we would build our home together.

It is ok for dearie to feel all this is a waste for us, and it has no future at all -- but I don't think it's about looking for someone perfect. As we all are imperfect but in the eyes of God, we're perfect, I have learned to see dearie in different perspective. Dearie told me she will date someone else and marry someone else. Sure, if that's what God's plan is for us. I do my part and leave the rest to his righteousness, he will guide us through. I walk this path even without dearie, as much as I wish that we could be a perfect church-going couple with lovely family members around us. It is never too late to plan anything as we learned from our favorite book. Without trying my best I do not wish to give up, dearie hasn't seen the potential that we both can do.

Time is the best cure for both of us right now and give each other a new perspective... Hope God will be with us tomorrow when we meet up and guide us with his wisdom and mercy upon us and bless both of us. Amen.

Let's us be together

My Kris Dearie,

A very good morning to you. I wanted to take time and think to respect you and be sure of the followings before I say to you.

I just want you to be sure as well. Thank you for your blessings and your continued support; as I'm feeling all your strength and love behind me.

Sometimes we say things we did not mean to, sometimes because of the devil we are broken apart, but inside our minds, we are longing for each other. Why do we suffer like this Lord? Why do we deny ourselves from our other half? Because without this journey, we will never know how much we mean to each other. Your timing is perfect father, we respect your decision no matter what it may be.

I dreamed and received your blessings through my prayers and you've entered my dreams to create a family of our own, showed me vividly what it means to be with my dearie.

From here I would like to say, I love you with all my heart, in front of our dear father God, and "I do" want to take you through our journey for the rest of our lives together.

May God bless us both. We shall both love each other and cherish each other in a way that have never seen before.

Love you always
Mike Dearie

Our song definitely: Lionel Richie - Hello

Blog

This will prolly be the last post. I'm thinking of shutting it down at the end of the month. Before doing so...

Lord,
I pray for this man who is reading this blog. May he continue to walk with you, trust in you and follow you for the rest of his life. Bless his career, his future and his success. Only in you can we trust, Lord. May we look up to you as our role model, follow you in your thoughts and actions, always be righteous and stand on firm to your values. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

I hope you will continue to walk with him, even without me. That is really a man of God.

God bless you.

Lionel Richie - Hello
Make this our song....

- Kris

Communication

Before I begin the topic, I just wish the speedy recovery of my dearie's knee and hope that she gets well soon. May God bless her.

Dearie once told me that she's very transparent and she's someone who like to keep a diary. I'm feeling the same way about myself; eventhough I thought I am more of verbal person in terms of communication in the past. When I get a hang of writing, I hope that my dearie appreciate the effort that I've put into improve our communication. However I can't do this alone, and I wish that she will contribute her part on this as well.

There was a misunderstanding between us last week. She thought that I said we can't be married and she hanged up. And last night she asked me about it again; and I was wondering whether I've really said those words. If I did I would remember why I said those in the first place but I couldn't. May be I was thinking too much and didn't get to say what I wanted to say. I wanted to complete my sentence which was supposed to be "I used to do things on my own and plans myself, such as marriage, but now I trust my faith in God to help us." But I didn't get a chance to finish it up and dearie really was upset, thinking all sorts of ideas in her head and completely broke down. I see the importance of communication that one party didn't mean in that way but the other party misinterprets and suffers. Even in her reply email in the last paragraph, she's still thinking about that. Let me clarify from here, as I think calling or talking on msn did not help it clear, I do wish to marry her and build a home with her, no such recollectional idea of we can't get married was brought out in the conversation from my part. Hope it clears the doubts she's having and I wish her peace through this statement. I was already planning for a surprise proposal and there is no way such idea existed a few days ago like what she had a wrong interpretation.

Things for us to avoid in the future as we're both trying to improve our imperfection percentages to a mild stage like what dearie suggested. We would like to come to an objective way of solving problems and not arguing and quarrelling -- dearie and I would like to find solution rather than finding who's fault.

First of all, phrases such as: "Up to you.", "Nevermind.", "Was it my fault?", "You're being emotional.", "Do whatever you like.", "Whatever.", "Yeah right.", "Leave me alone.", should be used minimally and if we could, avoid completely. We shall keep our temper in check and love each other in the right manner, avoid saying things that we did not mean and we do not want to regret.

However, a man needs to be firm in his words before he can be rock solid for his family to be relied on. I promise that I will cherish her, love her and build a family with her for the rest of my life. I'm giving her assurance but at the same time, I also wish that she will communicate with me clearly as well. What her dreams are, what she wanted with me, what are the things we shall change and look forward to, and make things right and work. If we do not communicate clearly, how are we going to walk together without understanding each other? I hope she understands where I'm coming from. I've asked her to meet up in person to talk because over the phone, over sms, over blog, you can't detect the tone or the mood of the person you're talking to. However if dearie wishes not to see in person, I will understand. I will let her simmer down and settle her emotions first.

Another communication issue is the commitment to work things right, and commitment to be there for each other no matter what. We shall work on this aspect together as well, objectively and with true care and love for each other.

We're both thinking about my proposal and will come to a conclusion. The effort and time spent on this will not be gone waste. However, I'm also confused by my dearie's question on "How much did you spend on the ring? Can you get a refund?" I hope she can answer why she asked me that question if she thinks that we're still considering this proposal and she has no intention of immediately coming up with a conclusion. Cost and other materials are not so important; what's important is my sincerity, my good intention and my goodwill for us. I'm sorry but from here onwards, I want no confusion between us and understand each other crystal clear -- we can't let a devil set foot in our hearts and confused us.

We do not want to infuse fear in being frank to each other; we shall be able to communicate freely and with our true mindset. We must also remind that we're not perfect and when we do mistakes, we will try to improve ourselves and not to take each other for granted. Solutions are what we're looking for and hope we can do it together in our journey ahead dearie.

We wanted each other to be husband and wife, to be happy around each other, and cherish and love each other; and this is just an initial step, "the communication". I hope we will try to think positively and come to a conclusion that will be the best for us. Also the decision can't be taking forever, since we were both sure about it in the past, we just needed to reflect deeper and be true to each other how we really feel. May God help us, Amen.

Good morning

Dearie

Good morning to you and have a great day ahead. I've missed you and I'm loving you every day and just want to let you know that with every breathe I'm taking now. *hugs*

Love you always
Mike Dearie

Wish

Dear God,

I wish that my dearie will do well for her presentation tomorrow, I also pray that she will be great and charming. Dear father, I love my dearie, more than anything in my life. I care for her every moment that I'm breathing and my Lord, you know that's the truth. I wish her to be happy, peaceful and safe and sound; sleep well at night without waking up and have sweet dreams. I meet her every night in my dreams, in our dream house with our son, the way she glanced over her shoulder to look at me while feeding the baby touches my heart more than anything.

I'm going to take my dearie's advice and will take my time to think and reflect. Dear Lord, you know my heart and my good intentions, so please guide me as I rest my trust in you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Our Journey

Dear Lord

I'm not sure my dearie is reading this as she told me not to contact her anymore. In the midst of anger, we say things that we're not supposed to say and we felt upset; we've been there done that. I know in my heart that I pray so hard that my dearie will read this post.......... Dear God, with my true love for her I pray. Amen.

I've got to know my dearie in 2008 while she was with her ex. She was unhappy back then and I commented, "Guys don't know how to appreciate you mei mei..." Later I joined the rank of those guys and become an ordinary guy who also gave her series of heartaches and pain. My dearie has hurt, retreating to her own cave, wanted to be with you only Lord. A nice and warming girl like her doesn't deserve this... I am not an ordinary man, I'm your prince my Lord, and will inheret your kingdom and shall be her protector...

As it turned out, life is a rough road and not a bed of roses. We argued, we quarrelled and we fought. This has got to change. We know how to fix it but why didn't we? Or rather why didn't I? Why can't we be tolerant towards each other, why can't we give love instead of hatred to each other? We love each other so much -- and God knows it too. But I need to be a new man as I've not seek his kingdom and his righteousness. I need to repent and that's the only way I will rebuild my relationship with my dear father.

I prayed that God will change me; and he did. Things weren't like before; Lord has given me a new life -- responsible, caring, devoted and loving man... bringing me closer to Him. My pastor prayed for me after his sermon on Sunday for us, that during this time, when we both are trying to get closer to God, devil will walk right into our lives without getting any invitations. Devil will plant anger, hatred, remorse, regret and jealousy into us to break us apart, destroying the very relationship between God and between us. So in Jesus' name our dear father Lord, please protect my dearie with your blood from the devil's thoughts and convict her that my words are true, that I truly cherish her and lover her, and we shall never be apart until death break us apart.

I only wish to be with her. I told her many times repeatedly that she's the one for me, assuring her that no other beauty will snatch me away from her, I only have her in my eyes, focused and attentive. I can do way better than what I did; that wasn't me, that was someone else, a guy who is not sensitive to words and her prayers, her wishes and her dreams. If I truly love her, I will give my life for her, so that she can live on. I have learned to appreciate my dearie and love her and cherish her. She always asked me "Don't you think it's too late?", or told me to "Look for someone better." I know in my heart that when I said those harsh words to her in the past, I didn't mean them. I love her a lot but failed to express...

My life was a havoc, before I met you my Lord. Planning everything, not knowing where my "relationship" would be. I have learned that I can't plan things. Without you Lord, I'm lost in the darkness. When things turned out that I'm not going to overseas and there were many things in my life falling apart, my dearie left me. That's when I realized I have no control over anything in my life and only thing I have is faith, and love from you, my Lord.

We wished to honor you in the past, but I wasn't ready. My dearie wished that her parents are going to turn to you Lord, and I wish that mine as well, because we will be glorifying you and rest our trust in you. Since you have shown me the way, I am carrying out the plans and leave the rest to you Father. I have plans that I didn't tell her because it was supposed to be surprise for her. Things didn't turn out quite well as we quarrelled and broke up back then. I will forsake everything to be with her. Dear Lord, if you will ask me "Why would you want to be with my daughter Kristine?" I would honestly answer, "Because I just want to be with her" and it's the only correct answer. Our union will only be the beginning of our next journey ahead of us; to carry out my duty as a husband and her duty as a housewife. We will raise our children in your home, my Lord. We will celebrate Christmas in a more meaningful way as we've envisioned. We will honor you and cherish you, and be a very happy family .. build around you, my Lord.

So in Jesus name I pray, if God wants us to be together, dear father please convict my dearie and rest assured her that I will be with her every step of the way, taking care of her and never leave her until the end of the days. Amen.

The Proposal

I have always had this idea of us getting married, and living happily in our own home, taking care of our children. When I talked to people around me about proposal, they said it is only the initial step in the marriage and there are many more things to over come as a married couple, husband and wife who supports and cherish each other. I've grown so much since I'm with you, learning from you, you have taught me a lot of good things in life Dearie.

I wanted to do something special for our proposal. I wanted to surprise you. I've booked the window seat at Equinox when we had our first date together as Gor and MeiMei. I've kept the first lecture note that you've taken during my lecture in 23 Nov 2010 and I've put it as the first page of my scrapbook, made with my loving hands to surprise you. The Cover was also one of our favorite photos -- but it's not 100% complete yet. I had to specially order the engraved "Our Journey" pendant to stick on the cover under our photo and it will only be ready by Wednesday. The scrapbook itself speaks it all.


































Ring order, which will be ready by Wednesday. Lee Hwa's been one of my favorites as their diamonds are top grade.

The Plan:
Place my camera at Equinox to record the video of the proposal later. Flowers delivered by 6pm so that they can keep at and give you later after the proposal. The scrapbook which I will carry with me and of cos the ring. Before the dinner and we start eating, I'll say grace as I've now learn to thank the Lord for giving us this meal in front of us. After main course, I'll take out the scrapbook and hand it to you. When you are finished, I'll kneel beside you and ask you "Dearie, will you marry me please and let me be your companion and partner in life, God as our guidance in our home and relationship." Then the camera will take video, the cake with "Will you marry me?" will be our dessert and flowers will be giving to you then.

After that, I'll accompany you to your home, and notify your parents. At the same time, call my parents and let them know as well.

It takes sincerely, pure determination, clear mind and lots of love to prepare this surprise proposal. However, it seems that I cannot have a surprised one as my dearie has already told me not to contact her. If she wishes that, I'll let her be but I want her to know that I truly love her, wish nothing but peace, harmony and happiness in her life. Although I won't have a chance, I want to thank her for being with me all these while and her guidance.

May God be with you always.

Love you always.

Faith

Dear Lord

I know you can see us through that I only have good intentions for my dearie. If she chooses to believe that I'm causing her harm, so be it. All I can do is pray for her and trust that you will have good plans for her future. I want nothing from her; but wishes for her that she will do well and have her peace with you. Lord, I'm not between you and my dearie, I'm right under your love, your filial son. My wrong doings in the past disgrace you my lord, and I've sinned. My dearie misunderstood me but I will never move an inch. My love, my diginity and my faith for you is strong. I trust in you that you will show her that I'm not who she thinks I am. My lord, this journey is long but I will walk because you have to break me again and again. Please change me completely or take me with you for eternity as it is so tough to be here dear Father.

In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Repentance

Today's sermon was about the continuation of the Prosperity Gospel last week. The pastor opened with the last three wishes of Alexander the great. Alexander said: "I want everyone to understand the three lessons I have learned.

1) To let my physician carry my coffin alone is to let people realize that a physician cannot really cure people’s illness. Especially when they face death, the physicians are powerless.
2) I hope people will learn to treasure their lives. My second wish is to tell people not to be like me in pursuing wealth. I spent my whole life pursuing wealth, but I was wasting my time most of the time.
3) My third wish to let people understand that I came to this world in empty hands and I will leave this world also in empty hands."

For the last wish of his, I quote my dearie, "Live your life in such a way that when you were born, you cry and the world rejoice, when you die, the world cries and you rejoice... A value I hold." When you do things for yourself, your career, those things also die with you. When you do things for others, they remained even when you've died.

Repentance is the act of changing one's mind. Repentance involves changing one's affections - from earthly things to heavenly things. It involves turning to the living God from a god of self. It is looking unto Christ instead of looking unto another. Repentance must be followed by works proving that change. All men need to repent. All men sin and as a result, all men need to turn from sin and turn to righteousness; unrighteous people need to repent.

They are not told to wait, to read, to pray, to receive an experience, to relate a revelation in the expectation that repentance will be given to them. Such unrighteous beings are to repent, to change their affection, and to turn to the Lord. There is a blessing in repentance. For the one who has never been baptized into Christ, turning to the God is the initial step of his response to the love of God which he has heard, and believed, by hearing the life of Jesus Christ, the Savior of man. When man sins, he must either repent or perish. When man comes loving his sins and resolving to continue practicing them, God will not hear him. (John 9: 31, I Peter 3: 12).

Repentance is the 180 degrees turn in one's life, rejoining the fellowship with God and his kingdom. When I was a non-believer, I thought I'm in control of my life and hurt the precious daughter of God, my dearie. The first lesson I've learned in Repentance is fear; fear of God, and his wisdom and love that he has shown upon us, and I have neglected his blessings. Second lesson I've learn is love, the love of Jesus for me and us, that he died for our sins.

I have learned to be compassionate and take responsibility for each other. If we only learned those lessons, this world would be so much better a place. I hereby pray that the sorrows, pains and shatters of hearts will be never repeated again in our lives because as the rightful daughter and son of the God, we both will learn to respect each other and not to use each other as "washpots" because that will disgrace our Lord. Amen.

Today's sermon

Today, Pastor mentioned about chastenment. It's not a pleasant process. Chastenment is "child train". It means disciplining your child in another words. This is very applicable to us.

When I dated a non-believer, he showed me how painful it can be. He also showed you how to control your temper by using me as your "washpot". A washpot is something or someone that is obstructing you for you to learn something. E.g. you are impatient with slow drivers, and on the road, there is always a slow driver in front of you. That is what Lord wants us to learn.

Chastenment comes in various forms, but will not result in death coz after the chastenment or punishment, you are supposed to learn.

References of the sermon was not taken down as I dun have the habit of taking notes during sermon anymore. I only remember Hebrew 12: 5. Hope it helps :)

Dear God

Dear God

Your beloved daughter Kris Dearie and your beloved son Mike Dearie had a great talk on Wednesday morning after agreeing not to communicate for a week to give her peace and time to reflect. We've communicated so much at the emotional level and I can sense your presence and power and we're thankful for your guidence and love onto both of us.

Dear God, I have been wrong to my dearie, my beloved, my life, my soul and my partner. Lord, I only pray the best for her and you'll guide her through every step of the way. Dear father, I have been a fool, naive and selfish, not to mention poor judgement and wisdom, but my lord, I have awoken by your will like a sun that shines through the deepest of the darkness, showing me all your plans that you have for me and for us. If not for your love, I will still "play God" thinking everything can be done by me and using my poor decisions and always doing the wrong things. I've put myself onto your hands, and my dearie also had put herself onto your loving hands, and we're both seeking your kingdom, and your righteousness, and all these things shall be added to us (Matthew 6:33).

Dear father, I know you can see through me, watching me from above, that there isn't a single moment of my mind not thinking or caring about my dearie. Every movement or action I'm going to make, I have to think at least a few times, such as SMSing, giving her a call, Blogging, wanting to see her, wanting to talk to her and wanting be with her all the time. Dear Lord, it is so tough to be here but I understand you will want to show me through all this because my Lord, without these wisdoms and knowledge, I will remained in the dark forever. As we do not want to pursue hardship and discomfort nor persecution, we refused to accept that only through this journey, we will be able to reach to our destination; stability, comfort and love which we will know how to truly cherish.

My mind is your will, and your will is my command my Lord. From this day onwards, I promise that I will do the best of my ability to cherish your loved generations, sons and daughers like never before, not a single pinch of harm shall come onto her, and because of you my Lord, I have been enlightened. I only have good intentions for my dearie as you know it, and I have no ill-intentions whatsoever in everything I do for her. Dear Lord, we know you have the best for us and you will only guide the best plan for us. May these true statements be my pledge for us to bring us together until the end of our times. Thank you father, Amen.

Peace

Dearie,

I must admit to you that I've foolishly been selfish, giving you no space and peace, that you deserve. We will try to listen to God's plan and wait for a week. If there is no sign from your part yet, we will keep in touch again and wait for the next sign. I have learned to look beyond needs, satisfaction and selfishness. For all the things that I've done, I'm truly and genuinely sorry, and I'll take full responsibility for my past actions, but my sincere apologies to you, the one and only I love, my dearie. I've decided to give you time to reflect, and not to tamper with your thoughts by calling you, smsing you, and disturbing you while you're at peace.

Looking forward, I've made up my mind to change for better, the will that is never been so great and strong. I've plans with my dearie, short and long term, if she decided to change her mind, the door is always opened -- knowing that she once did it for me too. She asked "if you wanted me to wait, I'll wait for you forever." And that time I told her "Dearie, it's unfair." Now it's my turn to say, "I'll be here forever for you."

My plans that are simple yet meaningful include:
1) Love her and cherish her everyday like never before
2) Not to bully her ever again, verbally or otherwise, I'll give in to her because I love her so much
3) Say "Good morning, dearie" whenever I wake up to my dearie with a kiss, followed by "I Love You" while holding her
4) Go to church together on Sundays with her, be her companion and life partner, raising our kids and be a good father
5) Decorate our house, hang the words of Lord Jesus, pack our beds with soft toys for her (bumbum and kelly get exclusive space)
6) Bring "girl" to our place and let her stay with us because she means a lot to me as well as to dearie
7) Go holidays with her without fail every time we have a break
8) Have mutual friends, who are stable and can give us good guidance and godly counsels
9) Go blading and jogging together and join her for the runs
10) Accompany her to buy shoes and be her fashion stylist
11) Join her for family dinners with her parents, and her sister's family, treat her family like my own
12) Sponsor my parents to come to Singapore again and let them see my gf and wife-to-be in person whom they will love to the bits
13) Make breakfasts for her, and wake up early to pray together with her
14) Be tolerant towards my dearie, and brighten her mood by giving her flowers, cards, little notes and be a good pair of ears for her to listen to her daily problems
15) Accompany her while she's studying and marking either at home or outside
16) Take pictures for her and the photos of "us" and decorate our house with photos
17) Will do things that will only bring joy and happiness into our lives and never do things that will make us apart ever again, because I know our love is strong
18) Give her emotional support and be her consultant in life situations
19) Praise her because she is truly unbelievable, and thank her for everything she has done for me, and remind each other why we are so lovable couple and everyone is jealous to know our "secret ingredient" for happy and successful marriage.
20) Be a good husband that will raise up and kids, since both of us are teachers, we will infuse good family values and life practices into our children and generations

I will miss you dearie, but I hope during this time, you will be able to reflect in peace, I will be able to improve myself even further through the knowledge and wisdom. I know that trust has to be earned so here I am, your other half waiting for you to discover the world ahead of us. Do let me know when you are ready to talk. Whatever it may be, I have faith in us and can feel that we will go very very far as a loving and perfect couple.

Truly yours
Love you always
Mike Dearie

Guilt

I know you have been trying very hard to gain my trust again, trying to change over a new leaf. The more I see you do all these, the more guilty I am. I am not trying to change you, I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I do not want to see you so unhappy... I'm sorry to bring you so much pain and hurt... I'm really sorry

Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength - St Francis de Sales

The One (II)

The closest and complete feeling of the one came into my life when I'm with my dearie. She gave me this sheer sense of bone-chilling tingling feeling that strives through all my veins; as many would say "chemistry" and I would call it "electricity". It is the emotional connection that brought us together, it was my misunderstanding of her emotions which is perfectly clearly "why" I couldn't comprehend back then, my perspective wasn't completely aligned with hers.

However, as a person, I've only always seen "her", one and only. She drawn me out of the crowd and clearly stands out -- I'm so into her. When I think of the one, I do share the same values as my dearie what she looks for in her partner. She always wanted and wished a "homely" place where she can work, study and play. I always thought that I have a "home" until one day realized that it is incomplete and merely a "house". To be honest, when she's around, I've only wanted to be with her and I refused to do anything which worries her. She would say, "Dearie, go do your things." and I would reply, "No, I just want to be here with you." The togetherness made us enjoy our quality time together at my "house" -- which unknowingly transformed into a "home".

I've received a reply letter from ICA this afternoon, "Your application for Singapore Permenant Residency is unsuccessful." I'll call this a blessing in disguise. When I received this letter a few months back, I was really disappointed and my mind went havoc. Now I smiled, put it back in the enevelop and cheered "Hallelujah!" Even if this letter is the approval letter, I wouldn't care much and toss it in a bin. I asked myself, what do I want? It is clear it's not a bunch of scrolls stating our achievements, promotion and money. Like what dearie said, happiness is perceived by many people in different forms, shapes and sizes. I'm glad that "our happiness" is the same definition -- to seek the peaceful, happy and joyful "home".

As the leader of my family, I will need to set the pace in all our relationships which serves the best interest of my team members. We were having different paces in the past but I'm catching up and dearie knows. I'll be a guiding father, supporitve husband and happy family man. Fortunately, I also had a little time together with Mark today before he ran off for his evening class and he offered he would give some valuable advice to "us" and share his experiences. Today I've talked to my dearie and Mark, two of my best friends and I'm truly inspired and glad that I've decided to change for better. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

As the closing, like I always do, I would like to dedicate this song to my dearie.

Westlife's Flying without Wings

Love you always,
Mike Dearie

Lyrics:
[Shane:]
Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

[Mark:]
Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So, impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
Cos who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete

[Shane:]
Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place

[Mark:]
It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it's like flying without wings
Cos you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings

[Shane:]
And you're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends

[Mark:]
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings

The One

I have been pondering the issue of "The One". Although I do agree with my pastor that there isn't The One, but sometimes, you will have the feeling that that person is the one you want to settle down with.

No doubt, you were the first person who gave me that feeling. After last week, I was thinking about it again. When I think about The One, I'm actually thinking of settling down with a person who can give me the sense of security, the love, the stability, a person whom I can paint a picture in my mind with my children or in a house of our own... Not just a person who can sweep me off my feet...

I was head over heels in love with you but that did not allow me to see us having time together at home as a couple... I simply dunno why...

Giving up

This blog was set up by my gf and she said she is stressed by my thoughts of not giving her up. I won't turn my back and not face this blog; I will continue to write even if she doesn't. It's like a mirror reflected upon oneself, since that day I took over the blog, I have written entries like never before, pouring out my thoughts as she wished me earlier in our relationship. Although I love her, I have to let go because it's her request that I leave her. She said that only treat her like a friend or sister, otherwise, she will avoid me. She also said I didn't appreciate her in the past and it's too late now. I have faith in us that she knows that I do appreciate her from the bottom of my heart.

I'm not all alone, I still have her and Godly counsels and angels around me. I've been in the wrong path but now learning to walk the right path, it took a detour of routes and events but getting back onto the right track is something rewarding. I remembered we back got together again after her Australia trip, she told me never ever said breakup again because it hurts. I can't agree more. During that time I was also sleepless and didn't had proper meals (thus lost weight as she noticed when she saw me again). I didn't let her know all this because I wanted to be appeared as a strong person which is very wrong. It's painful as I've experienced it but she said it'll be healed. I want to be ready for my future wife; a mature and responsible man. I will gain her trust and cherish her like never before. I do not want to blame anyone for this, I'm a responsible guy who will take the consequences of my actions willfully. Only promise when you mean it, as she taught me.

No matter how important she is to me, how much I love her, I don't think I want to let her know because it will only add on to her stress. Her wish is for me to give up on her, so I will. I will listen to her because I love her, will do all that makes her happy and peaceful, and that's how I will pray every time I miss her.

Love you always,
Mike Dearie

Time and Reflection

Time moves very slowly contrary to what others would say. Every second is tiring to look at, from corner to corner walking, nights without my life, days without a soul. All my might has came out to do one thing for sure, it's to be with her. At least for me, it's a long wait, it's a journey I must go through. I take this opportunity to reflect upon myself, deeper than I would ever have imagined.

I have been a changed man since I knew my dearie. She's been also positive and energetic. I remember she said once during our times apart, she didn't see anything but good things. I know what she meant now in a truly inspirational way. I've been expressive, more communicable and extremely sensitive since it was what I was lacking. Hurdles of emotions that I can't describe how it came about -- one thing was very clear; I'm totally in her shoes. We went to Singapore Art Museum and there we saw an exhibit which displayed shoes at the bottom. "To wear this shoes, please take off yours". It was this line that struck me, too. A wise man once said "To see this cup, either half empty or half filled, it is a choice that you make." If we put our needs first, without realizing our loved ones feelings, it would be a half empty cup. I see it differently now; it's a half filled cup. I have absolutely no negative feelings towards my dearie; she's my divine angel, she's my wisdom and she's my idol. I could cherish her all the eternity because her smile and happiness and peacefulness are first priority for me to fullfill until the end of the days. I've made a secret list of things for me to do and will show her one day. I would carry her through the deserts, mountains, protect her and save her from harm. I'll be her hero and companion -- someone who will always treasure her. I wish I could hold her in my arms and whisper these things.

Indeed, I see nobody but she (as I mentioned to her several times before). It reminds me of Ronan Keatings' song "When you say nothing at all" because "But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd".

I pray for her health, happiness and peace every minute that I missed her. There wasn't a single moment that I wasn't thinking about her, only if she knew. I truly love and miss you, "Dearie".

I've missed the times when we watched "Notting Hill" together. Two songs came into my mind...

Elvis Costello - She (a memorable scene)
Ronan Keating - When you say nothing at all

Have a good night, my Guardian Angel. You're the best thing happened in my life.

Love you always,
Mike Dearie

Merly and Lyo

Facts about Merly and Lyo:

Name	Lyo	Merly
Colour	Red	Blue
Gender	Male	Female
Creature	Lion	Merlion
Astrological Sign	Leo	Aquarius
Personal motto	"Never say never"	"You can achieve anything if you pour your heart into it!"
Olympic values	Excellence, Respect	Excellence, Friendship
Symbolism	Lion City; fire; "Blazing the Trail"	Merlion; water

So Merly, please go ahead and bully Lyo. He's very excited to get bullied by you but let me remind you to carry the sportsmanship like all other Olympians; just ask, "Ready?" before you begin. :) Have fun!

Thank you

Gratitude is a sentiment we'd all do well to cultivate, according to positive psychologists, mental health clinicians and researchers who seek to help everyone create more joy in life. Feeling thankful and expressing that thanks makes you happier and heartier. In many occasions, I would simply say, "Thanks dearie..." or "Thank you dearie". I really meant those thank yous from the bottom of my heart but the question remains whether it is enough for the person you treasure and appreciate the most in your life. That's when expressive gestures comes in. I thank my dearie for many things, amongst others:

• Giving me emotional support when I'm down, to discuss our views and share our knowledge, mostly regarding our job (and thankfully, we do share a lot of similar values and sentiments)
• Strengthen our bond by writing me notes, and adorable cards for assurance
• Giving me hugs and kisses, whether delivery or non-delivery ways
• Helping me with laundry even though I feel bad for letting her help me because I just want her to rest (but doing things together is more fun!)
• Letting me take her various photos, either glam or un-glam
• Giving me cookies and chocolates
• Help me to buy groceries together
• Enjoying my terrible cookings with a smile
• Having dinners together and buying food over
  
• Drinking wine together while watching movies
• Giving me massages when I'm extremely under pressure and needed some relief
• Giving me dinner treats on special occasions, lunches, presents and gifts
• Giving me a family feel when I'm all alone
• Making me coffee and breakfast (very cute when she over-poured the oil for prata)
• Watching events together, like world cup, SYOG and National Day
• Watching movies together even though some movies are not her type
• Holding my hands while we walk and teaching me how to hold hands properly
• Attending my lectures and taking notes like a diligent student
• Going to holidays together with me
• Letting me pursue my dreams and my certifications
  
• Giving me warmth in my heart with that smile of hers .. and many more

As we're humans, we have no telepathy or mind-reading capabilities. The thoughts must be explicitly communicated effectively or otherwise, the other party might misunderstand. So keeping emotionally connected means we both are on the same page and would be happy to resolve things together without any misunderstandings.

And finally of cos, I can't thank you enough Dearie. And I love you truly do and you know (yes I copied yours because it is so sweet).

Mike Dearie

Dido - Thank you

The Road ahead

Kris Dearie

Missed you so much today but again don't want to bother your peaceful teachers' day break which you truly deserve. Hope you had a good relaxing day.

I had a chance to share with Cherry which I find my other friends would not be able to understand. The reason why I did not share with Nat or Jean is because they may not fully understand what we're going through. Cherry on the other hand had a similar situation which she seeked for mentorship from her church friend couple and she also shared a very good document which I will later forward to your email. She texted me this afterward which says,

"Father, I want to commit Mike and Kristine onto your loving hands, guide them to seek you and your kingdom, bring your Godly counsel to advise them, give them wisdom to discern, pray for your loving hands to boothe and pain and heal the hurt. May they reign and soar like an eagle victoriously for you because they are all rightful son and daughter. In Jesus name, Amen."

She also mentioned that I am surrounded by people whom take care of me as little brother, which I never realized until she mentioned about it. For example, Mark and his wife, loves me like a brother. Chong Poh, Tien Yau and I had lots of discussions and talks and they've been guiding me through. Joseph, whom always invited me to his church activities and treated me like his brother. I have asked Mark to become my mentor in my relationships because he truly cares about me; he is a friend, and someone I can look up to as a model. He prayed for the road ahead of us, wished that we could sort out our differences and lead the life we both will cherish each other.

I have learned many things in the past few days which made me realized there are many things beyond my knowledge and it is important whom I confide in or share with because the impact can make significant differences. I'm thankful that I'm surrounded with the people who are knowledgeable, kind and loving, concerned with the road that lies ahead.

Please let me know after you read the document I sent to your email, dearie. Love you so much.

Mike Dearie