Communication

Before I begin the topic, I just wish the speedy recovery of my dearie's knee and hope that she gets well soon. May God bless her.

Dearie once told me that she's very transparent and she's someone who like to keep a diary. I'm feeling the same way about myself; eventhough I thought I am more of verbal person in terms of communication in the past. When I get a hang of writing, I hope that my dearie appreciate the effort that I've put into improve our communication. However I can't do this alone, and I wish that she will contribute her part on this as well.

There was a misunderstanding between us last week. She thought that I said we can't be married and she hanged up. And last night she asked me about it again; and I was wondering whether I've really said those words. If I did I would remember why I said those in the first place but I couldn't. May be I was thinking too much and didn't get to say what I wanted to say. I wanted to complete my sentence which was supposed to be "I used to do things on my own and plans myself, such as marriage, but now I trust my faith in God to help us." But I didn't get a chance to finish it up and dearie really was upset, thinking all sorts of ideas in her head and completely broke down. I see the importance of communication that one party didn't mean in that way but the other party misinterprets and suffers. Even in her reply email in the last paragraph, she's still thinking about that. Let me clarify from here, as I think calling or talking on msn did not help it clear, I do wish to marry her and build a home with her, no such recollectional idea of we can't get married was brought out in the conversation from my part. Hope it clears the doubts she's having and I wish her peace through this statement. I was already planning for a surprise proposal and there is no way such idea existed a few days ago like what she had a wrong interpretation.

Things for us to avoid in the future as we're both trying to improve our imperfection percentages to a mild stage like what dearie suggested. We would like to come to an objective way of solving problems and not arguing and quarrelling -- dearie and I would like to find solution rather than finding who's fault.

First of all, phrases such as: "Up to you.", "Nevermind.", "Was it my fault?", "You're being emotional.", "Do whatever you like.", "Whatever.", "Yeah right.", "Leave me alone.", should be used minimally and if we could, avoid completely. We shall keep our temper in check and love each other in the right manner, avoid saying things that we did not mean and we do not want to regret.

However, a man needs to be firm in his words before he can be rock solid for his family to be relied on. I promise that I will cherish her, love her and build a family with her for the rest of my life. I'm giving her assurance but at the same time, I also wish that she will communicate with me clearly as well. What her dreams are, what she wanted with me, what are the things we shall change and look forward to, and make things right and work. If we do not communicate clearly, how are we going to walk together without understanding each other? I hope she understands where I'm coming from. I've asked her to meet up in person to talk because over the phone, over sms, over blog, you can't detect the tone or the mood of the person you're talking to. However if dearie wishes not to see in person, I will understand. I will let her simmer down and settle her emotions first.

Another communication issue is the commitment to work things right, and commitment to be there for each other no matter what. We shall work on this aspect together as well, objectively and with true care and love for each other.

We're both thinking about my proposal and will come to a conclusion. The effort and time spent on this will not be gone waste. However, I'm also confused by my dearie's question on "How much did you spend on the ring? Can you get a refund?" I hope she can answer why she asked me that question if she thinks that we're still considering this proposal and she has no intention of immediately coming up with a conclusion. Cost and other materials are not so important; what's important is my sincerity, my good intention and my goodwill for us. I'm sorry but from here onwards, I want no confusion between us and understand each other crystal clear -- we can't let a devil set foot in our hearts and confused us.

We do not want to infuse fear in being frank to each other; we shall be able to communicate freely and with our true mindset. We must also remind that we're not perfect and when we do mistakes, we will try to improve ourselves and not to take each other for granted. Solutions are what we're looking for and hope we can do it together in our journey ahead dearie.

We wanted each other to be husband and wife, to be happy around each other, and cherish and love each other; and this is just an initial step, "the communication". I hope we will try to think positively and come to a conclusion that will be the best for us. Also the decision can't be taking forever, since we were both sure about it in the past, we just needed to reflect deeper and be true to each other how we really feel. May God help us, Amen.